Things Change

So now I am only working at the loathed job two days a week, and would you believe I actually miss it! It reminds me of the Joni Mitchell song, "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone". How true, but I have to be sure to remember how trapped I felt when I was there everyday. How depressed I was, and how I started putting on weight. Now I am being challenged I am venturing in to the unknown and learning new things, which is good for me.

But what if I am the person who can never be satisfied with what they have an is constantly searching for the next thing. I feel like I need to resolve these career issues soon. I need to become settled enough and happy enough with where I am in my career to think about starting a family cause that is going to be the next step . I don't want to rush into that, but I also don't want to put it off for too long....

I felt like a ghost today
walking through walls
practically invisible.
How strange to be back in a place
you feel you have left behind to look people in the eyes
and watch them see right through you
how sad and yet how fitting
and some how meant to be
it offers up a universe in that uncertainty

she almost has taken over and used up all the space
her presence can overwhelm. I see it now.
The vastness that is within her can make
the room feel small
a tiny spekeled piece of dreams
a rainbow on the wall.
In three years I have managed to make a mark I know
it is the quiet moments which happen very slow that breath the new life into
the ones who knew you when
the big brown eyes that watch me when I'm walking through a room
her smallness and her shyness at times of pleasantries
can reach right inside of me
her sweetness is profound
we have the same nature
deep within our souls and as she reached for me I felt entirely whole.
for it redeemed all my feelings resentments and the like
it wasn't really just that I'd done it out of spite
there are more reasons
more than I can say
I'll never really know
I have no way