my husband and I are not getting along. I am not always easy to deal with. Neither is he. If things don't work out between us I need to have a plan. I don't want to end up homeless. My name is not on the lease. This is his apartment. Technically he could throw me out and then what would I do. It isn't easy, being a woman. I need love and attention so often. It is the life force and it is one of the most important things there is. Many people do not seem to understand this. I am so miserable right now. My life is a terrible strain on me. It seems that everyone else is enjoying themselves, while I am stuck in a trap from which I can not escape. It's much easier to move down than up as we all know. Our life together is a challenge. The solace that I got through work is gone. It is a difficult industry, the childcare industry that I work in. I am a mule, but when a mule no longer has work what does the mule do. That is the decision I am currently faced with.

My brother was on a kayaking trip yesterday with a group of young real estate brokers. He was in a kayak on the East River under the Brooklyn Bridge. He and an acquaintance of his were riding in the Kayak together. As they passed by the waterfalls art exhibit their boat capsized. It's been all over the papers. My brother was interviewed on the channel 11 news last night. It was a really scary experience for him. He easily could have drowned. Luckily he is a very strong swimmer. He is fine. Two different newspapers carried the story. One was The Daily News, and the other was The New York Times. The Daily News reporter actually spoke with my brother and interviewed him, but the reporter who wrote the article for The New York Times never actually spoke with my brother and a lot of the information written in the article was incorrect. My brother did not have a camera with him and neither he nor the other man who was in the boat with him were taking pictures or horsing around. It is clear that the writer from The New York Times was writing what the tour guide told him and did not take the time to speak to anyone else. It seems to me that this tour guide was concerned mainly with ridding himself of any blame for the accident and the writer did not care enough to check his facts. I spoke with a friend of mine who is an experienced kayaker and she told me that the currents under the east river are extremely dangerous and anyone who knows anything about kayaking would never take beginner kayakers there. Even if the guide gave them instructions about how to get out of a kayak he should not have expected beginners to be able to perform this move. It seems to me that the writer and the tour guide both have a lot of explaining and apologizing to do.

What is elitism? How is it determined. I will be the first to admit that my job is less than ideal, that I am often putting it down in various ways, and because of that I am constantly conflicted, but when others put it down or make comments that I perceive as negative, I immediately feel defensive. At least I have a job. I admit it isn't ideal but I am working on it and sometimes I feel that it is the people who aren't doing much with their lives who tend to criticize mine. That is par for the course I presume and I can not let it bother me too much.
I have been very tickled by the news of Madonna and A-Rod, whether it is true or not it seems very juicy and worthy of discussion. In other words, if it isn't true it should be. Madonna is a such an interesting role model for women. She is so sexually empowered and alive. I enjoy seeing that in a women. Cause even today most women are portrayed in the media as the pursued one, the passive receiver of sexual advances, not Madonna and not me. I think most women have healthy sexual appetites often more so than men but they are afraid to own up to them. Now why should this be? I was recently browsing through the website for toys in babe land. They are bringing sex toys into respectable society and I am all for it. We need to shed our puritanical sexual values. There is hypocrisy in our culture regarding sex especially when it comes to women and it has led to much unpleasantness. The female orgasm is so important. Using vibrators can help women who are sexually repressed achieve orgasm and I believe improve their lives. OK enough Dr. Ruth talk. I hope no one figures out my true identity. This kind of talk isn't appropriate for a school teacher, or is it? Ha, ha, ha.