The Internet is a strange phenomenon. Everyone is exposed. Some hope that through it they will achieve their 15 minutes. I'm searching for more. The job I have is perfectly fine, but it isn't sexy. I want to do something sexy. I had a late lunch with a friend. After lunch we went the park and then to the nail salon. It made me sad. What a waste. Getting our nails done. Isn't there more to life. My career lacks direction. My friend suggested I see a therapist. I already saw a therapist for 8 years. I'm only 30. I worked so hard during those 8 years of therapy. The thought of spending more time in therapy makes me feel like my mission was not accomplished. I'm feeling guilty because I didn't go to the gym today. The guilt never hits until it is too late, bummer. The husband isn't home from work yet. I'm waiting. I hate waiting. The exercise thing, the weight thing, the beauty thing, all these questions that women agonize over. Am I pretty enough? Am I thin enough? Do I exercise enough? Am I appealing to others? Going out socially with my husband used to terrify me because I was worried that he would see something in one of these women the we encountered and run off with them. I would be powerless to stop it. That feeling has subsided some over the years but it has not disappeared. I woke up this morning after a night's sleep that was half restful, half restless, with a feeling of discontent regarding our relationship. In my dream he was replaced by another figure as often happens in dreams, but I knew it was him. I had to chase him down to get him to pay any attention to me in this dream, and I am perceptive enough to pick up on the fact that this is an ongoing theme in our relationship, and I am self involved enough to obsess over it. He calls himself an introvert and no doubt will blame his inability to reach out on that as he often does, but I can't help but want more from him sometimes....